FRIENDSHIP

Dr. Sue's CD "Keys of Love"Maxing out your joy and minimizing the impact of upsets are learned skills. My blog is based on the belief we can learn from the experts, our own experience, and each other. Circumstances may differ, but they often reflect common basic truths. Happiness is a Habit…we can learn how, practice, and have fun! Post your questions and comments, and I’ll try to show you how you be happy if…

“A good friend is like a good bra – gives you support and makes you look good! A bad friend is like underwear that pinches when you get it home – you can’t get a refund and you can’t give it away – so take the loss and move on” – Dr. Sue

How to choose and be a friend – ask yourself a few questions and be honest

  • Does this person support me – does he/she have talents, knowledge, skills  (material support is one kind of help -there are many others – all of value) etc. that help me?
  • Does this person support me in being a better person – does being in this person’s company make me happier, kinder, more generous, more committed in working toward my goals, more confident…etc.?
  • Does this person show me appreciation-by words and/or deeds?
  • Do this person compliment me on my good qualities?
  • Does this person present me to others in a positive light?  Or does he/she put me down in front of others?
  • Does this person give me honest, caring feedback on how I am presenting myself?

Be a Good Friend – ask Yourself:

  • Do I support this person with my talents, knowledge, skills (material support is one kind of help -there are many others – all of value) etc.?
  • Do I support this friend in becoming a better person  – does being in my company make my friend happier, kinder, more generous, more committed in working toward goals, more confident…etc.?
  • Do I show my friend appreciation -by words and/or deeds?
  • Do I compliment my friend on his/her good qualities?
  • Do I present my friend to others in a positive light?  Do I put my friend down in front of others?
  • Do I give my friend honest, caring feedback on how he/she is presenting myself – when asked or when it seems to get in the way of my friend’s happiness and goals?
  • Giving advice and feedback can be tricky. I try to do it only when asked – and to relate my feedback to the goals and needs of the person asking.

Be Your Own Best Friend

  • Treat your time, feelings, talents, knowledge, skills, and body as if they have real value – because they do!
  • Set Limits. Being a friend does not mean that you say “yes” to everything. Sometimes you need to protect your time, privacy, or personal space by saying “no”. Try to do it in a way that is courteous and clear. This can be a challenge, so get help if you need it.

Be a good friend to your romantic partner

  • We sometimes put friends and romantic partners in different categories. While it’s true that being a good friend doesn’t necessarily make sparks fly, being a bad friend will put the fire out. To sustain your relationship, be a good friend.

Be a friend to different people on different levels

  • Co-workers, classmates, neighbors, people you meet on line and online – they’re all part of a vast social network – so be friendly – you’ll brighten everyone’s day.

None of us are perfect friends – but we can work on perfecting our friendships.

If you have questions about friendship (or any relationship that has a friendship aspect) please post your response below. I’ll do my best to answer it.

Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

Happiness Buddies

I got this tip from the locker room attendant at the gym where I do my morning exercise. As I stopped to sip some water, she said, “You look like you had a good workout.”  I nodded and asked, “Can you tell?”  She nodded and said, “I feel like I need a buddy to motivate myself to exercise.”  I agreed that it helped.  In fact, one of the things that motivates me to get to the gym is the thought that I will run into  activities buddies- a female accountant who likes to swim – and a good-natured, strong-looking maintenance worker. I never see him actually exercise – mainly, he’s eating doughnuts and drinking coffee – but he does cheer me on. (He also told me he shoots hoops, but I told him he better exercise or he will get weaker, and I (all of 5′ 2″) will get stronger and beat him at basketball!

Anyway…we can create Happiness Buddies – in life or online and check in with each other on how we are learning and applying Happiness Habits to our lives. It will motivate us to think and act in a positive way, and enhance connections to others – essential to happiness.

By the way, I did not really feel like exercising this morning – but it is a Happiness Habit – so I did it anyway.

My body thanks me and so will yours – I mean your body will thank you – didn’t mean to get personal 🙂

Let me know if  you find a Happiness Buddy- and post your responses below.

Happiness Habits

  • Motivate yourself  and a friend. Be “Happiness Buddies”
  • Learn from everyone
  • Exercise regularly – it benefits your body, mind, and mood
  • Be friendly – you will brighten your day, make connections, and learn new things
  • “No matter what the music, learn how to dance”

    Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

    Dr. Susan Horowitz (aka Dr. Sue) is a Motivational Speaker, Media Host, Singer-Songwriter CD “Keys of Love” (www.cdbaby.com/drsue), Author of “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Ellen DeGeneres, etc.) “Read with Me” (Children’s Book of the Month Club), “I Am Loved” (Inspirational Poetry), Blog: HOW TO BE HAPPY IF (https://drsue3.wordpress.com)

    copyright 2010 Susan “Dr. Sue” Horowitz

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by George Abraham on April 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Dear Dr. Sue:
    I love your blog. How in the world do you have time to do all the things you do? You are indeed a genuinely skilled multi-tasker. I also like your singing. I like your idea of a happiness buddy.

    I do not qualify as “a good-natured, strong-looking maintenance worker.” But my attiude is mostly very positive and I stay away from those who drain me. I call them psychic vampires. I actually wrote a book about them. However, on the excercise front, I am compulsive obsessive to the point where I just had hernia surgery last Friday. However, I am “happily” doing my duities at 11:39 PM, as, like yourself, I have a deep passion for what I do. I feel some pain, but the pleasure of accomplishment and helping other people outweigh the soreness of the surgery. Keep up the good work, Doc!

    Reply

  2. Posted by Joey on April 3, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    “I wanted to ask you for yr advice. When you were a student, and you went out of yr way to help yr classmate, but this person doesn’t even say thank you or acknowledge the fact you help her, what would you do? Would you confront the person or just don’t do or say anything? Normally I am the kind of person that would not say anything, but I just feel lately I am being taken advantage by more than 1 person in my class.”
    Joey

    Reply

  3. Dear Joey,

    Feeling taken advantage of by ungrateful people is certainly upsetting and annoying, so you do need to handle your feelings and resolve the relationship with your classmate.

    You certainly know how to give generously of your time and help.
    You may need a little help in setting limits -so you are a better friend to yourself
    (and a more honest friend to your classmate).

    Keep in mind that we don’t know how the other person views the situation.

    The question is how to communicate in a way that does not escalate the situation in the wrong direction.

    Here are a few ideas –

    • Speak to the person alone – avoid embarrassing anyone in public.

    • Show respect and concern, share your own feelings, admit the possibility of confusion. and say what you want.

    • You might say something like, “There’s something I want to talk about. Do you have a minute to talk?”

    • Once you clear the time, then bring up the subject. You might even admit that this is a little embarrassing for you to talk about, but it’s been bothering you. Then say what happened and that you feel bad because the person never said thank you and you feel that what you did was not appreciated. See how the person responds. Maybe you will get the appreciation that you feel you deserve. If not, chalk it up to the other person’s poor manners and bad experiences and training. Keep your dignity and your sweet spirit. Remember, we cannot control other people’s behavior – only our own.

    • Also, you are not under obligation to do a favor, just because someone asks you. If you don’t want to do it, just say no. You can either say that you are busy, or say that you are uncomfortable.

    • Being a friend or a sociable classmate does not mean that you always have to say yes.

    These social issues go way beyond the time that you are a student.
    We all need practice saying yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no.

    Good luck,

    Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

    Reply

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