Archive for the ‘Dr. Sue’ Category

THE BIG TWEET: Twitter, Facebook, Oprah, “Women, Food and God”

Maxing out your joy and minimizing the impact of upsets are learned skills. My blog is based on the belief we can learn from the experts, each other, and our own experiences. Circumstances may differ, but they often reflect common basic truths. Happiness is a Habit…we can learn how, practice, and have fun! Post your questions and comments, and I’ll try to show you how to be happy if…

THE BIG TWEET: Twitter, Facebook, Oprah, “Women, Food and God”

I’ve been reading Oprah Winfrey’s’ web interview with Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food and God ( featured in O Magazine). Geneen and Oprah (who finished the book in one gulp) believe that food addiction is an attempt to fill an emotional emptiness.

“Oprah: I think this book could have been called “Women, Shopping and God, or Women, Meth and God, or Women, Gambling and God,” since food is just one of the things we use to deny our own worthiness—for love, for godliness, for peace.”

Whoa!  That’s a lot of addiction! From chocolate to Jimmy Choo shoes! From pizza to Prada – from Meth clinics to online gaming sites!

So I started to wonder – am I an addict?

I have all the symptoms – dark circles under my eyes, disconnect from reality, trembling hands, the obsessive hunt  for a hit.

It’s true. I am addicted to… Facebook!

At first, I was in denial. I told myself I was a social user.  But the truth hit me in at 2 am – the dark night of the soul.

There I was, clicking away in the wee small hours of a Manhattan morning,  adding Facebook friends with all the frenzy of the cyber-friendless. Then I hit a snag. I spotted a tiny photo of a middle-aged (okay, my age) woman and clicked “Add as Friend.”

Soon after that, I read her response on my Facebook wall: “Do I know you?”

Now, I was not ready for this heavy-duty conversation. I mean,  does anyone really know anyone?…not only in the philosophical sense, but more importantly, in the Facebook sense.

I don’t like to waste my Facebook time on unrequited friendship, but I thought I’d give her another shot.

Her Facebook page said she lived in Florida, so I shot back.  “Maybe you know my sister. She lives in Florida.”

I thought that was fair and specific. I mean, Florida is just a state and has what – a  measly 18  million people? Facebook has 350 million registered users!  That’s a country! A big one! With a stable government!  I mean, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is president for life – and look at the trouble Obama is having!

But that Florida woman would have none of it.  Politely, but persistently, she kept trying to find out if we knew each other.  I wanted to say, “Know each other? In the Biblical sense?”  But this was Facebook, where (like the Holy Book) every remark is recorded for eternity.  So I bit my tongue  (or rather, clenched my typing fingers) and politely suggested that she might feel more comfortable being friends with people she knows. “Knows” means she has actually met them.

Not that I cared about actually meeting anyone.  By now I was deep in addiction.

And Facebook was only the gateway drug.  After a brief spell of weak-willed resistance, I joined Twitter.

Soon I was tweeting away – and thrilled to discover I could accumulate followers!  Followers? On Facebook all I got was friends. On Twitter I had followers!  Like I was some kind of guru!  Like Gandhi! But, of course, better dressed – and fed.  I mean, later for the loincloth and protest fasts!  As Oprah and Geneen remind me, it’s “Women, Food (or Shopping) and God” – not Women, Self-Denial, and God.

Oprah says that what women are really hungry for is not food – but “love, godliness, and peace, divine connection.”

Now I totally get this.  Why else would 350 million plus people be up at all hours of the night – clicking and tweeting away unless they were hungry for unconditional love and peace – the kind you can only get with cyber-friends – who don’t know you, don’t want to – and don’t make demands?

What about the hunger for godliness?

Twitter allows only 140 characters. That’s less than a blog, less than what’s on most Facebook walls – and way less than the average sermon.  No wonder more people visit Twitter than attend church!

Twitter asks only one question – “What are you doing?”  Now that’s marketing genius!   Unlike “Do I know you?” everybody can answer that question, because, well,  you’re always doing something!

Plus, Twitter inclines toward a refreshing frankness and lack of pretense. Ashton Kutcher, Top Tweeter on Twitter (5000 followers)  – says in his bio, “Actually I make up stuff, stories mostly, collaborations of thoughts, dreams, and actions. That’s me.”

In today’s techno world, we want our gurus to make stuff up, get to the point, and be doing something.

And gurus are certainly godly – at least to their followers.

People are hungry to twitter – to be each other’s gurus.

If you tell me what people hunger for, I’ll tell you what they worship .

Right now it looks like what people worship is — the BIG TWEET!

Can we find godliness, a.k.a. compassion, connection and inspiration in each other?

That’s what this blog is all about – helping each other learn how to be happy – based on our own real experiences.

But enough of these 2am thoughts.

A few hours later, I gulped coffee and headed for my English class.  I have admit that while I was teaching my students English grammar and poetic techniques, I was mentally obsessing about my Facebook friends and Twitter followers.

As I made my students turn off their cell phones,  I was counting the seconds till I get back to social networking.

I felt guilty but what could I do?  My addiction was out of hand. What was worse, I was coming down with a cold from lack of sleep.

So now I’m in rehab.

I make myself turn off my computer an hour before I go to sleep.  I’m exercising my body – not just my typing fingers. And I’m reminding myself that a real friend offers face time not just cyber-space time.

How can this help us be happy?

Happiness Habits

  • Face your addictions – that’s any habit that 1. you can’t control  2. interferes with your ability to lead a healthy, productive, enjoyable life
  • Find positive alternatives to addiction – like exercise, friends, and family.
  • If you get caught up in fantasy connections – to gorgeous celebrities, to cyberfriends, followers, and romances – take it for what it is – an exciting illusion. Your feelings may be intense – but they may not have much to do with what the other person is really like.
  • Enjoy your life – in and out of cyberspace!

“No matter what the music, learn how to dance!”
Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue
Dr. Susan Horowitz (aka Dr. Sue) is a Motivational Speaker, Media Host, Singer-Songwriter “CD: Dr. Sue “Keys of Love” , Author of “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Ellen DeGeneres etc.) “Read with Me” (Children’s Book of the Month Club), “I Am Loved” (Inspirational Poetry) “Blog: HOW TO BE HAPPY IF”
copyright 2010 Dr. Susan Horowitz (aka Dr. Sue)

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HAPPINESS HABITS

Maxing out your joy and minimizing the impact of upsets are learned skills. My blog is based on the belief we can learn from the experts, our own experiences,  and each other. Circumstances may differ, but they often reflect common basic truths. Happiness is a Habit…we can learn how, practice, and have fun! Post your questions and comments, and I’ll try to show you how you be happy if…

Happiness Habits

For Details, Scroll up & Click on Link (White Letters on Black Background)

  • Realistic Expectations/Flexible Behavior/Positive Focus
  • Set Goals, Acknowledge Success, Build in Rewards, Have Fun!
  • Do Your Deadlines, Do Your Daily, Do Your Dream!
  • Do what you love -include bits of what you love to do in what you have to do!
  • Prioritize and Focus. Do Needs then Treats: Do what you have to do so you can do what you get to do (The Great Debaters)
  • To Do, To Done, Ta-Dah! (Time Management)
  • Learn from everyone – wisdom and good tips show up in unexpected places
  • Be flexible and persistent
  • Focus on the positive – what opportunities does the situation offer?
  • Get accurate information – challenge your negative beliefs.
  • Vent by writing – on paper, Emails, blogs, etc. (Conflict Resolution)
  • Put things in perspective – how important is this in the large scheme of things?
  • Give people the benefit of the doubt – be slow  to accuse and quick to correct yourself (Conflict Resolution)
  • Communicate without accusation – ask questions, check facts – you won’t have to apologize later. (Conflict Resolution)
  • Set Clear  Goals – write them down, give yourself a deadline, measure your results
  • Live by and teach clear, fair rules, accountability, and ways of correcting mistakes
  • When you can’t get what you want, think about how to make yourself happy anyway
  • When someone is sad, listen and try to guide him/her to something positive. If they’ll go there, great! If not, get out of the swamp!
  • Make someone else happy – taking the focus off yourself and onto others can cheer you up!
  • Encourage other people to participate in positive activities – lead by example.
  • Find out what people already know and teach them something new -show respect for their knowledge and share yours
  • Avoid public confrontations (if possible) – you’ll get better cooperation and communication
  • Wear clothes and shoes that feel look, look good, and suit the occasion
  • Create and connect to a positive community of friends, family, and activity partners – and don’t expect people to be perfect
  • Be generous with your compliments – people crave appreciation
  • Pay attention to the person you’re with and don’t make or imply negative comparisons by comments or looks
  • Happiness is an inside job – you can’t change what’s outside you – you can change how you feel about it
  • Focus on the Positive – denial doesn’t work – but shifting focus does
  • Exercise regularly – it benefits your body, mind, and mood
  • Be friendly- you will brighten your day, make positive connections, and learn new things
  • Choose a supportive venue. It’s not just the activity – it’s the values of the crowd.
  • See things in context – it’s usually not about you – it’s about the other person’s needs.
  • Be friendly and courteous…copy good behavior – not bad.
  • Be a fun activity partner.  Improve your skills and be fun to be with.
  • Don’t take rudeness personally. When someone is rude, it’s usually not about you -and it doesn’t demand confrontation.
  • Don’t escalate the argument. It’s usually counter-productive – the most angry, rude person wins (if you can call it winning).
  • Do take signs of an explosive temper seriously. Major abuse begins with little tests – if you go along with it, you enable it.
  • Do protect yourself and others – speak to authorities, file a report
  • If you’re the one with anger issues – get help – before it gets out of hand.
  • Motivate yourself  and a friend. Be a “Happiness Buddy”
  • Face your addictions –  any habit that 1. you can’t control  2. interferes with leading a healthy, productive, enjoyable life
  • Find positive alternatives to addiction – like exercise, friends, and family.
  • Fantasy connections are exciting – but don’t have much to do with the other person
  • Enjoy your life – in and out of cyberspace!
  • Practice an attitude of gratitude
  • Do what you love

Please post your questions, stories, comments, and suggestions – we learn from each other!

“No matter what the music, learn how to dance”

Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

Dr. Susan Horowitz is a Motivational, Entertaining Speaker, Professor, Singer-Songwriter (CD “Keys of Love”) and Author of “Queens of Comedy” (interviews with Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Joy Behar, etc.) “Read with Me” (Children’s Book of the Month Club),  “I Am Loved” (Poetry).

Web: http://www.drsue.com 

Keys of Love” –  positive songs on CD Baby – http://www.cdbaby.com/drsue

copyright 2010 Susan “Dr. Sue” Horowitz

FRIENDSHIP

Dr. Sue's CD "Keys of Love"Maxing out your joy and minimizing the impact of upsets are learned skills. My blog is based on the belief we can learn from the experts, our own experience, and each other. Circumstances may differ, but they often reflect common basic truths. Happiness is a Habit…we can learn how, practice, and have fun! Post your questions and comments, and I’ll try to show you how you be happy if…

“A good friend is like a good bra – gives you support and makes you look good! A bad friend is like underwear that pinches when you get it home – you can’t get a refund and you can’t give it away – so take the loss and move on” – Dr. Sue

How to choose and be a friend – ask yourself a few questions and be honest

  • Does this person support me – does he/she have talents, knowledge, skills  (material support is one kind of help -there are many others – all of value) etc. that help me?
  • Does this person support me in being a better person – does being in this person’s company make me happier, kinder, more generous, more committed in working toward my goals, more confident…etc.?
  • Does this person show me appreciation-by words and/or deeds?
  • Do this person compliment me on my good qualities?
  • Does this person present me to others in a positive light?  Or does he/she put me down in front of others?
  • Does this person give me honest, caring feedback on how I am presenting myself?

Be a Good Friend – ask Yourself:

  • Do I support this person with my talents, knowledge, skills (material support is one kind of help -there are many others – all of value) etc.?
  • Do I support this friend in becoming a better person  – does being in my company make my friend happier, kinder, more generous, more committed in working toward goals, more confident…etc.?
  • Do I show my friend appreciation -by words and/or deeds?
  • Do I compliment my friend on his/her good qualities?
  • Do I present my friend to others in a positive light?  Do I put my friend down in front of others?
  • Do I give my friend honest, caring feedback on how he/she is presenting myself – when asked or when it seems to get in the way of my friend’s happiness and goals?
  • Giving advice and feedback can be tricky. I try to do it only when asked – and to relate my feedback to the goals and needs of the person asking.

Be Your Own Best Friend

  • Treat your time, feelings, talents, knowledge, skills, and body as if they have real value – because they do!
  • Set Limits. Being a friend does not mean that you say “yes” to everything. Sometimes you need to protect your time, privacy, or personal space by saying “no”. Try to do it in a way that is courteous and clear. This can be a challenge, so get help if you need it.

Be a good friend to your romantic partner

  • We sometimes put friends and romantic partners in different categories. While it’s true that being a good friend doesn’t necessarily make sparks fly, being a bad friend will put the fire out. To sustain your relationship, be a good friend.

Be a friend to different people on different levels

  • Co-workers, classmates, neighbors, people you meet on line and online – they’re all part of a vast social network – so be friendly – you’ll brighten everyone’s day.

None of us are perfect friends – but we can work on perfecting our friendships.

If you have questions about friendship (or any relationship that has a friendship aspect) please post your response below. I’ll do my best to answer it.

Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

Happiness Buddies

I got this tip from the locker room attendant at the gym where I do my morning exercise. As I stopped to sip some water, she said, “You look like you had a good workout.”  I nodded and asked, “Can you tell?”  She nodded and said, “I feel like I need a buddy to motivate myself to exercise.”  I agreed that it helped.  In fact, one of the things that motivates me to get to the gym is the thought that I will run into  activities buddies- a female accountant who likes to swim – and a good-natured, strong-looking maintenance worker. I never see him actually exercise – mainly, he’s eating doughnuts and drinking coffee – but he does cheer me on. (He also told me he shoots hoops, but I told him he better exercise or he will get weaker, and I (all of 5′ 2″) will get stronger and beat him at basketball!

Anyway…we can create Happiness Buddies – in life or online and check in with each other on how we are learning and applying Happiness Habits to our lives. It will motivate us to think and act in a positive way, and enhance connections to others – essential to happiness.

By the way, I did not really feel like exercising this morning – but it is a Happiness Habit – so I did it anyway.

My body thanks me and so will yours – I mean your body will thank you – didn’t mean to get personal 🙂

Let me know if  you find a Happiness Buddy- and post your responses below.

Happiness Habits

  • Motivate yourself  and a friend. Be “Happiness Buddies”
  • Learn from everyone
  • Exercise regularly – it benefits your body, mind, and mood
  • Be friendly – you will brighten your day, make connections, and learn new things
  • “No matter what the music, learn how to dance”

    Hugs 2 U Dr. Sue

    Dr. Susan Horowitz (aka Dr. Sue) is a Motivational Speaker, Media Host, Singer-Songwriter CD “Keys of Love” (www.cdbaby.com/drsue), Author of “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Ellen DeGeneres, etc.) “Read with Me” (Children’s Book of the Month Club), “I Am Loved” (Inspirational Poetry), Blog: HOW TO BE HAPPY IF (https://drsue3.wordpress.com)

    copyright 2010 Susan “Dr. Sue” Horowitz